I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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