apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
