today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Randomize
