I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
