dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
