i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
