all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
