he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I just want nice things and good sex
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
