Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
this boner is exhausting
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
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