and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
