oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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