Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Randomize
