In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize