You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
