Its about making memories worth repressing
Barsexuality is the new black.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
