I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
