I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
It was confusing and full of hummus
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
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