How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Randomize
