i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
