what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Randomize
