He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
