I could have mohawked her pubes.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize