his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
