the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Randomize
