You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
