why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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