I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
