I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
