woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
