my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
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