I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
