i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
