Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Randomize
