1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
