It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
