I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
