things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
