You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Randomize
