I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
