When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Randomize
