Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Randomize
