Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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