my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I have post one night stand depression
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
