thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Randomize
