He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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