yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Randomize
