you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Randomize
