i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Four minutes until I can fart!
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
that is very illegal...i love you.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
