Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
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