no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
