I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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