If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Randomize