the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
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