His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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