I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
They took my balls.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
