So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Randomize
