yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
