I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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