i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Randomize
