there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
