When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Randomize
