We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
