no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
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