Pants 0. Shit 1.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
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