Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
