wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Randomize
