Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
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