just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
farters have to be the big spoon...
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
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