ya dads aren't the best wingmen
So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize
