well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
