I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
Randomize