She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
