i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
