Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
