that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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