Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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