Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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