I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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