i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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