I am spending my child support on dildos
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
