Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
