im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
