wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
