Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Randomize
