The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize