i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Randomize
