i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
