he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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