my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
