btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
