I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
