We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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