just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
