well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
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