you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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