My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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