new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
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