I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
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