Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
