fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Drunk is a universal language darling
Randomize
