I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
