i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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