Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Randomize
