twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Randomize
